Tom Cruise must be even smugger than usual today, sitting in his bunker safe in the knowledge that he has enough tinned Spam to last until the last of Xenu's warriors is defeated and knowing that the entire population of Germany has apologised for their recent shoddy treatment of the tiny thespian when shooting the film Valkyrie.

Oh, but as it turns out, this isn't quite the truth - just an anecdote put about by co-star Kenneth Branagh. Ken managed to stop luvvy-ing and praising everyone he's ever met for long enough to patronise Entertainmentwise,

"All that nonsense about the Germans not wanting Tom Cruise there was largely exaggerated. A week into our shooting the man that led much of the noise that had been made rang up deeply apologetic and said: 'I'm so sorry, I just read the script, it's fantastic. I did not understand. I'm sorry.'"

'Largely exaggerated'? One man ringing up? No retraction on the statement that Scientology was not a religion but a sinister money-making cult?

Looks like Tom is being damned by faint apologies, and for a nation as well-versed as Germany is at saying 'sorry' that's quite a slap in the schnitzel.